


Deep down

by SuperMazeWolf



Category: Captain America - All Media Types, Iron Man - All Media Types, The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Bucky Barnes Feels, Bucky Barnes and the 21st Century, Bucky and Tony, Developing Relationship, Fluff and Angst, M/M, Other, Protective Bucky Barnes, Self-Hatred, Tony Stark Has A Heart, Tony Stark Needs a Hug
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-04-15
Updated: 2016-04-22
Packaged: 2018-06-01 18:41:01
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 2,740
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6531535
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SuperMazeWolf/pseuds/SuperMazeWolf
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Tony and Bucky slowly falling in love while encountering many situations.</p>
<p>Angst, fluff, eventual smut.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Panic attacks.

"What's that?" Bucky asks almost silently, his eyes wearily looking at Tony's arc reactor. Tony looks up from Bucky's arm and frowns, shifting his gaze to start snapping and reconnecting circuits and metal again. "It's a device that keeps shrapnel from entering my heart," Tony explains, letting out a small grunt of annoyance when a screw doesn't turn, "Why’re you asking?" Bucky shrugs slightly, his eyes looking around Tony's lab.

Bucky accidentally makes eye contact with Tony who looks away instantaneously, and Bucky makes a mental note that Tony doesn't enjoy making eye contact with him. Maybe it's because Tony sees a killer in Bucky, but there's a chance that it's because Tony doesn't want Bucky to see the pain in his eyes. "There you go, big guy, all set," Tony says, stretching his arms while he sets his screwdriver down. Bucky moves his metal arm around a few times, adjuting to the small changes Tony added. "Thank-" "Don't mention it," Tony interrupts Bucky mid sentence, "Come back down here if something happens." 

Bucky steps out of the room, his head jerking subtly when he hears and unintended but loud yell of frustration from Tony. He hears Tony catch himself, and he hears a loud clang of metal against metal not far from the door. Did he throw something? 

Bucky pushes the door open, just in case, but sees Tony on the floor. He hesitates for a moment; Bucky barely knows Tony, and the first time he saw him Bucky was trying to kill him, but when he sees Tony's hand clutching at his head, he's obligated to step in. 

He hears a stream of 'shit' tumbling out of Tony's mouth and sees his whole body shaking with fear and pain. Bucky kneels down next to Tony, placing his hand on the small of Tony's back. He peers at Tony's eyes and sees them wide open, his mouth opened and furiously trying to form words, and Bucky finally realizes that Tony's having a panic attack. 

At first he doesn't know what to do, he pats Tony's back awkwardly before licking his chapped lips and gently rubbing a rthymic circle onto his back. Tony seems to like that, his eyes squeeze shut and he tries to steady his breathing. The pants remind Bucky of something he can't seem to clearly remember, he's pretty sure it reminded him of Steve's asthma, but he's not all together sure if that's what it is. Okay, some things are coming back to him. 

Panic attacks- Calm victim, steady breathing, reassure safety and life, comfort until calm. 

He lets out a steady breath repeatedly, encouraging Tony to follow. Tony tries, his shaky and unsteady breathing slows just a bit, and his eyes slightly open, his hands' shaking steadying as well. "That's right, come on," Bucky mutters, averting his eyes at the ceiling, "Come on. You're alright." His voice is surprisingly calm, Bucky's surprised that it didn't crack. Tony lets go of his head, the heel of his palm pressing against his eyes. "Fuck, sorry," Bucky hears Tony wheeze, voice shaking, "I don't- I don't know why..." Bucky feels a sudden rush of emotion that he doesn't appreciate, and he continues rubbing his hand, blinking a few times before murmuring, "It's fine." 

Tony finally calms down and he suddenly falls sideways, Bucky's body supporting his. Bucky's really tense for a moment until he sees Tony's eyes closed, cold sweat starting to form. He's sick. 

"Stark, you're sick," Bucky says, placing a hand carefully on Tony's forehead. Tony only replies with a small breath, a tiny whimper, and Bucky realizes that Tony's _really_ sick. Bucky bites his lip before looking around. He curses under his breath and picks Tony off of the ground bridal style, Tony's head resting on his chest. Bucky looks down at the man and frowns slightly, carrying him to his room quietly, refusing to wake anyone. 

Bucky gently lowers Tony onto his bed, pressing his metal arm onto the man's forehead. His arm is cool, and it makes Tony let out a small sigh of relief. Bucky looks at Tony's shirt, which hasn't changed for about 3 days, and eases it off of Tony, folding it neatly and placing it on the nightstand before pulling the sheets up. Tony's arc reactor lights up the room a cool shade of blue. Bucky leans forward just a bit, flipping his hand to press the back onto Tony's cheek. He doesn't realize what he's doing until Tony opens his eyes weakly, and Bucky jerks his hand away. "Wh.." "Bedroom," Bucky informs him, "You had a panic attack." "Oh," is Tony's answer, and he lets out a few coughs before rubbing his face. "Thank you," Tony mutters. 

"Don't mention it." Bucky gets a wet towel and places onto Tony's forehead and wipes the sweat off of his arms, neck, and upper body with another one. He finds himself staring at Tony for a long while. 

He just realized how handsome the man is.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Damn kidnapping

Bucky's shaken awake by Steve so suddenly if feels like his head is lagging. "Wha..." "We found Stark's location," Steve rushes, throwing Bucky a change of clothes, "We're heading out."

8 months, 3 hours, 43 minutes, 2 seconds, and the Avengers finally found Tony. Bucky's adrenaline is running as they take position not far from the cellar. "In position," he hears Clint mutter into the intercom. "Alright, move!" 

Bucky slams the locked doors open with the help of Steve and runs in, practically dancing with his knife while making his way into a smaller room. It gets darker as they progress forward, and Bucky notices the HYDRA symbol plastered onto a wall which fills him with unspeakable rage. He finally sees a small door and he kicks it open, immediately recognizing the faint, blue glow of the arc reactor in the corner. 

He hears everyone walking in from behind and Steve steps forward, making Tony let out a small whimper. "I won't do it," Tony whispers, pulling his knees up to his chest, "I won't do it. I won't do it. I won't-" Bucky rushes forward and kneels, placing his right hand under Tony's chin. "Tony, it's me, do you recognize me?" Bucky asks, his voice so soft to the point where the others are terrified. Tony looks up slightly, dried blood caking his forehead and down to his eye. "Bu-Buck...y?" His voice is strained, so miserably scared. "Yeah, it's me, we need to get you out of here." 

That triggers something in Tony. He latches onto Bucky and buries his head in his shoulder, eyes shut while whispering, "Get me out, get me out, get me out..." Bucky looks over at Steve awkwardly who nods at him, so he sweeps Tony up with one smooth move and feels Tony's arm looping around Bucky's neck. "It hurts, hurts, hurts, help, help, help..." Bucky's heart breaks as he hears the traumatized man mumble, and at one point he's pressing small kisses onto Tony's forehead, telling him that's it's all okay. 

In the hospital, he screams if someone other than Bucky tries to touch him. His eyes are constantly wide and unfocused, but the doctors say that it's a mental and emotional scar that he needs to heal. So Bucky stays next to him, well, Steve practically forces him to, but he doesn't protest. Tony constantly stares at Bucky, opening and shutting his mouth in an unorganized pattern as if he's trying to talk. Bucky soothes him when Tony breaks and starts to yell in frustration, it's almost normal. It's weird, about a year ago Bucky and Tony were complete strangers, but after the panic attack months back, it's like they're suddenly bonding. 

Bucky snaps out of his thoughts when Tony suddenly coughs, jolting awake. His eyes are full of panic and Bucky immediately leans forward, placing a hand on the other man's chest. Tony breaths as if he's choking, choppy and short, but he eventually calms, hearing Bucky mutter something. Bucky reaches out and smooths Tony's hair with his metal arm, cooling Tony while doing so. Tony lets out a small breath and lifts his hand just a bit, fingers twitching. Bucky immediately locks his hand with Tony's, ignoring the fluttery sensation in his stomach when Tony's lips curve up into a small smile. "Tony," Bucky murmurs, continuing to stroke his hair, "We're taking you home today. Can you handle it? There's going to be a lot of people." Tony stiffens, eyes shifting to Bucky. "I'll be there," Bucky adds comfortingly, "Steve's gonna make everyone back away, gonna give you some space. I'll take you to your room, okay?" Tony relaxes a bit, nodding. 

Slowly, he realizes that Tony actually responded to his talking. Bucky feels himself smile, he can't stop himself, and he lowers his hand to touch Tony's cheek. "We're leaving in an hour, can you handle it? I'm going to call Steve, and he's going to tell you something." Tony nods again, eyes shutting while letting out a small cough. "Do you want water?" A small nod. "Are you okay with being alone, or should I ask someone else to do it for me?" Another nod which makes Bucky conclude that Tony doesn't want him to leave. He calls for the nurse and tells her that the patient needs water, his hand covering Tony's eyes when the nurse is in the room. It's a thing he does now, it makes Tony more relaxed when he doesn't see another person. The nurse leaves the room and Steve steps in, nodding at Bucky in greeting as he leans on the wall next to Tony's bed. 

Tony's mouth opens and closes silently when Bucky lowers his hand. "It's Steve, you know him, don't you?" Bucky asks, helping Tony sit up as he notices Tony's struggle. Tony nods, his hands clenching and opening. "Steve, he's scared half to death-" "It's fine, I know." Bucky nods in approval as Steve comes to kneel in front of Tony, who curls his fingers in a small stance of alarm. Steve smiles slightly, and Tony's fingers uncurl. Steve then proceeds to tell Tony what happened, it's not forced or rushed, he eases it into Tony's mind as he registers everything. 

"You were kidnapped, Tony," Bucky puts it simply after Steve's done explaining, "You won't ever be." Tony keeps opening his mouth to speak, but it's as if his tongue is frozen. Bucky looks at him, eyes narrowing slightly as Tony finally forces something out. 

"Kill them." 

Bucky and Steve both turn to look at each other for a moment before their eyes refocus on Tony. "What? Kill who?" Bucky urges Tony to speak, squeezing his hand. "Kill them," Tony repeats, eyes moving around as if he's afraid that someone's going to shoot him, "Hydra, kill, kill, kill-" Bucky hushes Tony, rubbing his thumb on Tony's palm with calm eyes. "Tony, do you want to get out of this place?" Bucky asks, looking at Tony square in the eye. "Go, go, go," Tony says under his breath, smiling slightly at his own supposed joke. "Do you?" Tony looks up and nods. 

So they do, Steve acts as the body guard, shielding out reporters and fans as Bucky helps Tony into a car. Tony's resting his head against Bucky's chest the whole time, continuously muttering 'Kill Hydra' under his breath like it's something he _has_ to tell everyone about. 

2 weeks passes in the Avengers building, but Tony's not getting better at all.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Recover

Tony doesn't even know why he does it, but he finds himself muttering 'kill Hydra' every time he spaces out. He still can't talk in full sentences, which is infuriating, but Bucky's always at his side and always helps. Okay, so maybe he's enjoying himself a bit TOO much with Bucky constantly holding his hand or carrying him up and down the stairs. Honestly, Tony can't feel guilty because he needs the help, he can barely walk without flinching and falling over as a bad flashback knocks him in the head.

But Tony's finding his way back. He can say 'yes' or 'no' now, he can nod and lift his arms, he can hold himself up for a good one minute, and he's getting better each day. Well, that's hardly an improvement. Truth be told, he doesn't FEEL any better. He still has flashbacks and nightmares and panic attacks- Okay, the whole bundle of traumatizing events that make him feel tired and scared.

But then something always makes Tony feel a bit better. Tony realizes that he and Bucky are a thing now, it's not something they say but they're together. It makes him feel a bit better, lighter, to be precise, when Bucky walks into his room with a small smile of amusement as Tony practices using his hands again. 

"Buck," Tony croaks one evening, his fingers curling and opening, a habit he developed in the midst of pain to concentrate. Bucky turns his head, completely and utterly thrilled when his name is called. "Yeah?" Bucky asks, sitting down next to him. "Hair," Tony says, his hand gesturing weakly at Bucky's hair, "Cut." Bucky blinks for a moment before laughing, subconsciously touching his long strands of hair. "Should I get a hair cut, Tony?" He asks, watching Tony furrow his eyebrows and concentrate. "Y...es," Tony manages, his lips curving up into a smile. Bucky records and engraves Tony's smile in his head, the lopsided and adorable little smile.

Tony giggles almost silently, reaching out and grabbing Bucky's shirt. He yanks, making Bucky tip back and sit next to Tony. "What is it, Tony?" Bucky asks, intertwining his fingers with Tony's. Tony's brown eyes have a playful gleam in them, and he suddenly reaches up and gently braids Bucky's hair. Bucky stays still, surprised and amazed at the sudden interaction he's having with Tony. "When should I cut my hair, Tony?" Bucky murmurs, enjoying the warm hands smoothing and curving his hair. "T...oday," Tony mutters, concentrating. 

Tony sees Bucky smile again. "Today it is. Do you want to come with me?" Tony kisses Bucky's cheek, finally working up the courage to mutter a small, "Yes." 

It's a drastic improvement.


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dancing on the road to recovery.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry ffor he short chapter, I forgot this fanfic existed tbh

Bucky got his haircut, and it looks like the cut he had way back in thr 40's. It's nostalgic, but Tony seems to absolutely ADORE it. He doesn't just love it, Tony runs his hands over and through it, rests his nose in it and it's too adorable. 

Steve tells him that it's really great to see Bucky's old hairstyle and carefully watches Tony as he mutters 'kill Hydra' again. "What's wrong with him?" Steve asks one day, crossing his arms in worry. "I don't know. Hydra messed with his head," Bucky replies simply, running a thumb over Tony's tense hand, "Tony, it's okay babe. Open your eyes, it's Steve." Tony opens his eyes to a slit before closing them again, a small 'hi' accompanying it. Steve smiles and tells Tony that he's doing great and leaves, telling Bucky that he has a mission coming up. 

Bucky intertwines his fingers with Tony's, his lips curving up slightly when Tony mutters 'sorry' under his breath. "It's not your fault," Bucky says reassuringly, "It's not." And Tony looks up, considering, then forces out, "Tried to brainwash me." Bucky tilts his head, moving over to slip an arm around Tony's shoulder while frowning. "Who?" "Hydra," Tony mutters, his body shaking for a moment, "Fuckers." Bucky laughs quietly, pulling Tony closer. 

"I told them no," Tony strains, his voice barely audible, "No, no, no, but they never listened." Bucky lets out a quiet sigh, rubbing Tony's arm. "Never. It hurt," Tony continues, his voice growing quieter, "Limit to talking, brain can't carry on for long," Tony squeaks, "Brainwash." And he stops, opens his mouth, but lets out a defeated sigh when nothing comes out. 

That's why Tony wasn't talking, Bucky realizes, he couldn't talk, it wasn't emotional scars, it was the attempted brainwashing that made his voice give out in a short amount of time. "Anthony," Bucky whispers, kissing Tony's temple, "Is that why you can't talk for long?" Tony nods. Weakly. Tired. "Sleep," Bucky says after a while, "I'll be here if you have nightmares, okay?" And Tony grunts in appreciation before closing his eyes hesitantly. 

What the hell happened back in the HYDRA base? What did they do to Tony?


End file.
